His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize