yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
