Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
