The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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