I CAN MOONWALK!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
