bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
