I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
