seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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