I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
