he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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