Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
