I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
