yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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