so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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