I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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