okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
