She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
