Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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