no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize