I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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