I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize