WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
