even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
