I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
