so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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