Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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