If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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