2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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