Buhtt sex?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
