I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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