my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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