Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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