U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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