Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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