There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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