Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
