okay pat passed out under dana's car
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
