i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
