i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
honey bunches of taint.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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