just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
