i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
