I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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