i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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