All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
