There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
