there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
