Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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