Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
