Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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