pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize