The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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