I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
