I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
