oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
