I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
