Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
