this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just gargled with NyQuil
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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