i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My life is pants optional.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
