chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
