Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
