The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize