meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize