dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
