How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
