belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
