Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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