He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Even my vagina gasped.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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