here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
