that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize