guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
