kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
