She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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