just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize