you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
