the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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