I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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