It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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