I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
