guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
