I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
