what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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