So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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