omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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