it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm too high and old for this...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
