Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
