When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
