I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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