I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
