I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
