I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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