I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
