I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
