Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
