I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
