I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize