Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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